In the afternoon of June 29, 2002, my children and grandchildren were together at my house to enjoy a delicious dinner. After everybody had dine, they sad down to watch television while I was cleaning the kitchen. Francisco went over to take a shower since he was going to meet with some friends. In those days he was getting together with all of them since in a couple of weeks he was leaving to start his Navy training. He was so proud of passing the entrance test, and full of dreams and goals to accomplish. A few weeks before, he graduated from high school and since he was enroll in the ROTC Program, his goal was to continue a military career, and he was looking forward for it. That night, after he got all dress up and ready to leave, he asked me for some money to go out with his friends. He had an argument with his girlfriend, he was not going to see her, so I gave him some money. He said Good-Bye to everybody, his brother, his sister-in-law, his niece and nephew, my husband, and I just went out with him, as I use to. He said Good-Bye and went to his car. After he was inside the car, he came back to me, gave me a hug and a kiss and said "I love you Mom" and I said to him "and I adore you, God bless you". He left making noise with the car horn and waiving at me with his arm out until the end of the street. I stayed there until I couldn't see him anymore. Everything that happened after that is so painful, so sad, that after so many years, I'm still feeling it was yesterday. It was when I saw my son laying on that bed, connected to those machines, artificially breathing, without feeling his hugs, his arms, without seeing his smile, his eyes that I felt I was
loosing conscious, that I was not going to be able to resist the pain and I just told him "Mom is here"; they took me out of the room; they were going to move him to the intensive care unit. To many hours passed, to many hours without knowledge of what happened, of not understand what was going on, and I'm still don't understand. A doctor came over and told us that Francisco was brain dead and that there was nothing they were able to do for him. It couldn't be possible, he was breathing, but it was because of the machines. I had two choices; disconnect the machines or donate his organs, we took the second option. They explain to us the procedure and in the middle of my pain, I understood that it was the best decision. First of all, because I knew that Francisco would want me to do that, thinking that somebody else would have a better life, even that it was so painful for us; and second, because for me it was like see him going to a surgery. I know that I wouldn't be able to resist see him die in my arms, and that's how I could survive with this suffering. During the investigation of the accident, they discovered that Francisco decided to accompany his friend (if you can call him a friend), to go around in a motorcycle that somebody showed up at the place they were together. This supposedly friend was under the influences of alcohol and drugs and nobody else wanted to go with him, except Francisco. They lost control and my son flew from the back and died instantly, the other young man was injured, and survived. They couldn't find a witness who testify who was driving and who was the passenger at the time of the accident, even that everybody knew that Francisco was the passenger, but the investigator couldn't prove it, so they close the case. We brought the case to the civil court, where his friend (???) took the fifth amendment, he didn't even remember that he knew Francisco. These are the laws of this country, and there are not other alternatives specially when you don't have the money to pay for it to continue with a case. My FAITH makes me believe that someday this friend (???) will have to answer to the celestial courts and then he won't have the support of his parents to take him out of trouble. He knows, everybody who were there knows, the police knows, and I know what really happened for which someday the truth will show. The autopsy showed that my son didn't have any alcohol or drugs on his body, his organs were donated and, he saved the life of six persons who are enjoying a better quality of life, which a way is a satisfaction because I feel that my son still alive in the body of other people. All I have left are the memories, those that are keeping me alive and around, those that sometimes brings me a smile and others makes me cry. I know that my son is in special place now, a beautiful place where nothing or nobody can hurt him, and from there he's taking care of all of us. Meanwhile I'm here, living one day at a time, for my other son, for my grandchildren, for my husband, for those that really care for me and, for Francisco, because I know that everything happen for a reason and even that I can't understand it completely, this is my destiny, our destiny, and I need to find the tools to get the strength, the knowledge that will help me to continue, sometimes with a smile, others with tears in my eyes. I feel bless because I had the opportunity of been Francisco's mom, a special human being who gave the most wonderful love, the most sincere of all loves, because the love for and from my children are my most valuable treasure and nothing or nobody will take that from me. Here I am, my son, keeping your memory alive in my heart and in those who knew you and for which you are an inspiration. You are, and always be in our hearts, in your brother, your nieces and nephew, me, always, until our time to cross over, and be together again.
Dios te Bendiga
Mama
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